Today has been rough. I feel so helpless as a mother. I feel like I should be able to calm my baby and really take care of all of his needs, and its not the case here in the PICU. I can't do everything for him, I can't take away his pain. and its a horrible feeling.
Poor Brock has been in a lot of pain today. He has been getting some medicine for pain, but sometimes that doesn't always work and the poor little boy has had some really bad diaherria because of the antibiotics so his poor little bum is so red and hurts him so bad.
A lot of people keep asking me how we are doing. Its a hard question to answer. I feel like we are both handling this situation very well. There is no other way I feel like. This is the hand we were delt and we have to deal with it. This is our life now. But its been hard to cope with. You have all these hopes and dreams for your children and picture your life a certain way when you are pregnant with them, and now all of a sudden your life is totally different. Doctors, and surgeries and the possbility of mental and physical delays. But its our life! This is our reality now and we love our son so much and will do anything for him! Yes, I cry all the time thinking about how hard life could be for him, not the easy life we had thought about before he was born.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Thursday, November 13, 2014
The Tiny Footprints Project
The Tiny Footprints Project is an amazing organization. They find a photographer in your area and ask them to do a free photo session for families with babies in the NICU. Our first room mate in the NICU told us about her photos she got and we signed right up! I didn't want to miss out on pictures of our little man while he was still tiny. They found us a photographer within hours and we had pictures taken on saturday. We are just thrilled with how they turned out!!!
2 weeks
We have been in the hospital for 2 weeks now. Brock was making such amazing progress and blowing everyone away with how well he was doing! He breastfed a couple of times, has really made huge improvements with being more alert and has had some really good occupational therapy sessions on learning how to suck and swallow correctly.
The neurosurgeon Dr. Gruber came in on Tuesday to talk with me and said he really thought that putting a drain into Brock's head to drain the blood and fluid out would be our best course of treatment for him at this time. He was going to wait 48 hours before doing anything but we got a call Wednesday morning that Dr. Gruber decided he didn't want to wait and that Brock would be having surgery that day around 12pm.
The procedure it self would only take about 20 minutes max. Getting Brock sedated and woken back up again would take the longest time. We got to take him down to the surgery level of the hospital, had to sign some paper work and talk with Dr. Gruber. He was super confident that this was the best course for our little man.
Once the surgery was over Dr. Gruber came and talked to us and said that he was really glad he hadn't waited because there was a lot of pressure building up in Brock's head and that a lot of fluid was in his ventricles.
The drain is sticking out of his head and drains into a little tube next to his bed. So far he has had about 1.7oz of fluid come out of his little head. He is under a little bit of sedation but is starting to wake up more and more with every hour. He is not fully breathing on his own right now but will be in about an hour or so.
We were transferred from the NICU to the PICU because the PICU deals with external head drains way more than the NICU does.
Yesterday was filled with tender mercies! I most definitely have needed them these last 2 weeks.
First of all, I wanted Brock to get a priesthood blessing before he went into Surgery but everyone we had called was at work already. Luckily my mom called my brother Jon, who we thought was already at work and he decided to take the day off to rest and help out with the family that day. He was able to get to the hospital and him and Deric gave Brock a very nice priesthood blessing! That was tender mercy number 1!
#2 Deric's mom was supposed to be working all day yesterday, she had an early meeting and realized that there was 1 to many people dressed for work at the meeting. One of her co-workers thought she was working but Kerry was actually supposed to be working but was able to take the day off since that lady thought she was scheduled.
#3 My friend Julie and her daughter are in the PICU this week as well for her daughter to have hip surgery.
When we got to our room in the PICU we realized that our room mate was Julie and her daughter! How amazing is that! We have a friend in the PICU and we share the same room!!!!
I really needed all those tender mercies yesterday. Yesterday was stressful but somehow I stayed really calm. I know that this drain is exactly what my baby needed. I am so thankful for modern medicine and doctors who are in tune to their patients.
Deric and I can really feel the love and prayers that have been said on our behalf and on behalf of our adorable son. We are incredibly thankful for the support and love everyone is showing us during this rough patch in our lives. We really wouldn't be able to be doing as well as we are without everyones support. Thank you so much.
We are so thankful for our sweet boy who has showed us how to be strong and showed us how to love more deeply.
The neurosurgeon Dr. Gruber came in on Tuesday to talk with me and said he really thought that putting a drain into Brock's head to drain the blood and fluid out would be our best course of treatment for him at this time. He was going to wait 48 hours before doing anything but we got a call Wednesday morning that Dr. Gruber decided he didn't want to wait and that Brock would be having surgery that day around 12pm.
The procedure it self would only take about 20 minutes max. Getting Brock sedated and woken back up again would take the longest time. We got to take him down to the surgery level of the hospital, had to sign some paper work and talk with Dr. Gruber. He was super confident that this was the best course for our little man.
Once the surgery was over Dr. Gruber came and talked to us and said that he was really glad he hadn't waited because there was a lot of pressure building up in Brock's head and that a lot of fluid was in his ventricles.
The drain is sticking out of his head and drains into a little tube next to his bed. So far he has had about 1.7oz of fluid come out of his little head. He is under a little bit of sedation but is starting to wake up more and more with every hour. He is not fully breathing on his own right now but will be in about an hour or so.
We were transferred from the NICU to the PICU because the PICU deals with external head drains way more than the NICU does.
Yesterday was filled with tender mercies! I most definitely have needed them these last 2 weeks.
First of all, I wanted Brock to get a priesthood blessing before he went into Surgery but everyone we had called was at work already. Luckily my mom called my brother Jon, who we thought was already at work and he decided to take the day off to rest and help out with the family that day. He was able to get to the hospital and him and Deric gave Brock a very nice priesthood blessing! That was tender mercy number 1!
#2 Deric's mom was supposed to be working all day yesterday, she had an early meeting and realized that there was 1 to many people dressed for work at the meeting. One of her co-workers thought she was working but Kerry was actually supposed to be working but was able to take the day off since that lady thought she was scheduled.
#3 My friend Julie and her daughter are in the PICU this week as well for her daughter to have hip surgery.
When we got to our room in the PICU we realized that our room mate was Julie and her daughter! How amazing is that! We have a friend in the PICU and we share the same room!!!!
I really needed all those tender mercies yesterday. Yesterday was stressful but somehow I stayed really calm. I know that this drain is exactly what my baby needed. I am so thankful for modern medicine and doctors who are in tune to their patients.
Deric and I can really feel the love and prayers that have been said on our behalf and on behalf of our adorable son. We are incredibly thankful for the support and love everyone is showing us during this rough patch in our lives. We really wouldn't be able to be doing as well as we are without everyones support. Thank you so much.
We are so thankful for our sweet boy who has showed us how to be strong and showed us how to love more deeply.
NICU
The first couple of days of the NICU are a blur. We didn't get much sleep those first 24 hours of Brock being here. I also was in the ER the first night for high blood pressure and swelling. My OBGYN was worried I might have pre-eclampsia after giving birth and wanted me to be monitored closely with my blood pressure. Turns out nothing was wrong, I am sure the stress of everything made my blood pressure skyrocket.
The first night right when we got here (Thursday), the Dr. thought Brock might have meningitis, so they started him on antibiotics for that. They did a lumbar puncture to check his spinal fluid for infections, also he had an MRI plus a ton of blood work.This all happened within 6 hours of being in the NICU. They were not going to waste anytime.
Thankfully my mom and dad didn't listen to me and came up to the NICU with Geoff and Stacy Julian and my sister Katie.
Geoff and my Dad were able to give Brock a Priesthood Blessing. It was exactly what I needed as Brock's mom to hear Geoff give Brock a blessing of Healing and comfort.
I am so incredibly thankful for the power of the priesthood. Without the knowledge that I have this week would have been awful.
Friday morning when Deric and I got into Brock's room the EEG specicalist was already set up and had started the test on his brain.
He started at about 8am and didn't take everything off Brock till after 4pm. The test did show that Brock was still having seizures, even though he was on medicine to stop them. The medicine he was on was just masking what was actually happening in his brain. The neurologist Dr. McDonald had the nurses put him on another medicine called Kepra which stopped the seizures all together.
around 3pm Dr. McDonald came in and talked over everything he had seen on the EEG as well as what he had seen on Brock's MRI.
The bad news- Brock has a large bleed on the left side of his brain in the left ventricles. He is at HIGH risk for hydrocephalus also known as water on the brain. His brain is so swollen that his left side of his brain is pushing everything off center. The Dr. explained that a brain bleed is like a bruise. You just have to wait for the body to reabsorb the blood for it to go away. Same thing within the brain. We just have to wait and see. Which is so hard to do. They measure his head everyday to make sure its not swelling and will do a head ultra sound through his soft spot once a week to check the progress his brain is making.
Good news- the seizures he was having were a direct results of the brain bleed. So once the brain bleed takes care of it self the seizures will go away. Until then we keep him on phenobarbital and Kepra to keep the seizures away. also the neurologist said he did not see any meningitis. But to be on the safe side they are keeping him on antibiotics to fight anything else that could be causing him to be sick with an infection.
The first night right when we got here (Thursday), the Dr. thought Brock might have meningitis, so they started him on antibiotics for that. They did a lumbar puncture to check his spinal fluid for infections, also he had an MRI plus a ton of blood work.This all happened within 6 hours of being in the NICU. They were not going to waste anytime.
Thankfully my mom and dad didn't listen to me and came up to the NICU with Geoff and Stacy Julian and my sister Katie.
Geoff and my Dad were able to give Brock a Priesthood Blessing. It was exactly what I needed as Brock's mom to hear Geoff give Brock a blessing of Healing and comfort.
I am so incredibly thankful for the power of the priesthood. Without the knowledge that I have this week would have been awful.
Friday morning when Deric and I got into Brock's room the EEG specicalist was already set up and had started the test on his brain.
He started at about 8am and didn't take everything off Brock till after 4pm. The test did show that Brock was still having seizures, even though he was on medicine to stop them. The medicine he was on was just masking what was actually happening in his brain. The neurologist Dr. McDonald had the nurses put him on another medicine called Kepra which stopped the seizures all together.
around 3pm Dr. McDonald came in and talked over everything he had seen on the EEG as well as what he had seen on Brock's MRI.
The bad news- Brock has a large bleed on the left side of his brain in the left ventricles. He is at HIGH risk for hydrocephalus also known as water on the brain. His brain is so swollen that his left side of his brain is pushing everything off center. The Dr. explained that a brain bleed is like a bruise. You just have to wait for the body to reabsorb the blood for it to go away. Same thing within the brain. We just have to wait and see. Which is so hard to do. They measure his head everyday to make sure its not swelling and will do a head ultra sound through his soft spot once a week to check the progress his brain is making.
Good news- the seizures he was having were a direct results of the brain bleed. So once the brain bleed takes care of it self the seizures will go away. Until then we keep him on phenobarbital and Kepra to keep the seizures away. also the neurologist said he did not see any meningitis. But to be on the safe side they are keeping him on antibiotics to fight anything else that could be causing him to be sick with an infection.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
How it all began
Right after birth Brock was super alert. We tried to breast feed but he did not seem interested. So the nurses decided to try a bottle, but he would not take that either. They decided to see if there was fluid in his stomach and suck it out, which there was a good amount, so they figured that was what was causing him not to want to feed. Finally we got some food down him but it had to be done with a tube feed. Deric held him in an upright position for a good 45 minutes to make sure it didn't come back up. But when we laid him down in his bassinet he spit it all right back up. This concerned the nurses and they took his glucose levels which were very low. The nurses insisted that he go to the nursery to be fed and checked up on some more. We really didn't think anything of it and decided it was a good idea and we needed some rest after being awake for more like 20 hours. Around 2:30pm they brought Brock back to our room after we had slept for a little while and showered. We felt like new people! He seemed to be happy but was just very sleepy. He still didn't want to breast feed but we did a lot of skin to skin to try and help him want too. We had a couple visitors during the day and he just slept in their arms and seemed content.
Around 9:30 that night a nurse came in and insisted that she take him to the nursery for a while so we could sleep again. I was a little hesitant because I wanted him to sleep in our room the first night, but the nurse said I could come get him whenever I wanted. So we let her take him and I am so glad we did. This is the 1st tender mercy of this whole experience.
around 11:45 that same night the nurses came in and told us that Brock had stopped breathing and turned blue and that they were going to start him on some antibiotics and do some tests because they thought he might be septic. That would explain the reasons for him not wanting to eat and being so sleepy all day long.
#2 tender mercy is that our night nurse for me was a lady that we go to church with. I would have been a mess without her. Knowing that she was looking out for both me and Brock made the night go a little smoother. She would come in every couple of hours and give me updates and reassure me that they were doing everything that they could to keep him healthy.
He seemed to be doing pretty well the next day and we visited him for a while in the nursery before Deric had to go to work.
I spent most of the afternoon changing rooms since I wasn't a patient anymore, but Brock was so I had to change from our nice big room, to a tiny little room. I held him for a while in the nursery and then decided to have my parents come pick me up so I could run home and grab some more clothes since we only packed for over night and we were told we would most likely be at the valley hospital for 3 days.
When I got back to my room one of the nurses called my cell phone and told me the dreaded news that he had been having seizures while I was gone.
I instantly called Deric and told him he had to get back to the hospital right away. After about 10 minutes he had a few more seizures and the decision was made that he needed to be transfered to Sacred Heart Medical Center which is about 15 minutes from the Valley Hospital where he was born.
Within 20 minutes of the call to the ambulance Deric, my mother in law Kerry and Brock were on their way to Sacred Heart.
Once inside the NICU we met with Dr. Wilson and went over what we thought was going on with him.
Around 9:30 that night a nurse came in and insisted that she take him to the nursery for a while so we could sleep again. I was a little hesitant because I wanted him to sleep in our room the first night, but the nurse said I could come get him whenever I wanted. So we let her take him and I am so glad we did. This is the 1st tender mercy of this whole experience.
around 11:45 that same night the nurses came in and told us that Brock had stopped breathing and turned blue and that they were going to start him on some antibiotics and do some tests because they thought he might be septic. That would explain the reasons for him not wanting to eat and being so sleepy all day long.
#2 tender mercy is that our night nurse for me was a lady that we go to church with. I would have been a mess without her. Knowing that she was looking out for both me and Brock made the night go a little smoother. She would come in every couple of hours and give me updates and reassure me that they were doing everything that they could to keep him healthy.
He seemed to be doing pretty well the next day and we visited him for a while in the nursery before Deric had to go to work.
I spent most of the afternoon changing rooms since I wasn't a patient anymore, but Brock was so I had to change from our nice big room, to a tiny little room. I held him for a while in the nursery and then decided to have my parents come pick me up so I could run home and grab some more clothes since we only packed for over night and we were told we would most likely be at the valley hospital for 3 days.
When I got back to my room one of the nurses called my cell phone and told me the dreaded news that he had been having seizures while I was gone.
I instantly called Deric and told him he had to get back to the hospital right away. After about 10 minutes he had a few more seizures and the decision was made that he needed to be transfered to Sacred Heart Medical Center which is about 15 minutes from the Valley Hospital where he was born.
Within 20 minutes of the call to the ambulance Deric, my mother in law Kerry and Brock were on their way to Sacred Heart.
Once inside the NICU we met with Dr. Wilson and went over what we thought was going on with him.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
The Beginning
Monday October 27th in the year 2014 A.D. Since Brock was already 8 days overdue at this point we went into Valley Hospital room 136 to start the process of Induction. Jenna was started on cytotec to help soften the cervix. She received 3 doses of cytotec, she was given one dose every 4 hours.This brought us into Tuesday October 28th in the year 2014 A.D.
At 10 am Jenna was started on Pitocin to help induce Labor. Dr. Sementi came in at 1:04 Pm to break Jenna's H20 at this point Jenna was 3cm Dilated. After they broke Jenna's H20 she was having regular contractions thanks to the Pitocin and was now in more significant pain than before. She was able to get a shot of Fentanyl, which Jenna wished they could mass produce and sell at walgreens. Jenna's sister Katie arrived shortly after the Fentanyl shot to find Jenna feeling much better (a nice warm and fuzzy feeling she would say).
Unfortunately the magic of Fentanyl only lasts about 45 minutes. Now after feeling or rather not feeling the pain of contractions Jenna decided it was time to bring in the bug guns. We had Heidi our anesthesiologist bring in the miracle drug and start Jenna's epidural at 2:20 PM.
This is also something Jenna wouldn't mind being able to purchase at Walgreens.At this time Jenna's Mother Cheryl Wilson arrived at the hospital.
Brock had it in his mind that he was perfectly content in staying where he was,so Jenna's progression was very slow. (Like a turtle walking backwards through the mud slow). The nurses continued to check progression every few hours but things seemed like they were not changing. Around 4PM Jenna's Father James Wilson arrived at the hospital.
Things at this point are not very exciting, at 6PM Dr. Sementi came in to check on Jenna and informed us to get comfortable because it was going to be a long night. Derics mom Kerry Finn arrived for the birth around 7:30pm after working a long day at urgent care.
Lets fast forward a lot...to Wednesday morning at 3:35 AM the Nurse finally said the words we had been waiting all night for " I think it's time to start pushing." At 5:30 Dr. Sementek came in to take over the birthing/pushing process. At 5:54 AM Dr. Sementek told Jenna to stop pushing so they could finish setting everything up for Brock, Jenna very strongly disagreed with the doctor and told him that she could not stop pushing and that he was coming out now. Dr. Sementek whether wanting to or not quickly got into position to catch Brock. FINALLY! 5:57 AM Brock Leonard Molner made his grand entrance into the world at 6 lbs 14oz and 19 1/2 in long. Due to all the chaos just before Brock came after he got here it took 5 min before anyone actually checked to confirm he was indeed a him.
At 10 am Jenna was started on Pitocin to help induce Labor. Dr. Sementi came in at 1:04 Pm to break Jenna's H20 at this point Jenna was 3cm Dilated. After they broke Jenna's H20 she was having regular contractions thanks to the Pitocin and was now in more significant pain than before. She was able to get a shot of Fentanyl, which Jenna wished they could mass produce and sell at walgreens. Jenna's sister Katie arrived shortly after the Fentanyl shot to find Jenna feeling much better (a nice warm and fuzzy feeling she would say).
Lets fast forward a lot...to Wednesday morning at 3:35 AM the Nurse finally said the words we had been waiting all night for " I think it's time to start pushing." At 5:30 Dr. Sementek came in to take over the birthing/pushing process. At 5:54 AM Dr. Sementek told Jenna to stop pushing so they could finish setting everything up for Brock, Jenna very strongly disagreed with the doctor and told him that she could not stop pushing and that he was coming out now. Dr. Sementek whether wanting to or not quickly got into position to catch Brock. FINALLY! 5:57 AM Brock Leonard Molner made his grand entrance into the world at 6 lbs 14oz and 19 1/2 in long. Due to all the chaos just before Brock came after he got here it took 5 min before anyone actually checked to confirm he was indeed a him.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
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